Ten minutes ago, I was watching the moon while listening to music. Specifically, “My Castle Town” by Toby Fox. And I just started crying. Tears of joy. I realized just how much I enjoy living. The pretty view of The Moon, the beautiful melody…
I never had any bad things happen to me. I love my parents because they are loving and kind, no trauma whatsoever, had depression once but I sent it away shortly. Lots of hospital visits though. But nothing serious. No girlfriends, no love pains etc.
I have basically nothing in my hands right now. But I’m always able craft new hobbies when I run out of them. By the mere power of imagination. In fact, I’m looking to learn French now because English was easy as fuck.
But while I enjoy life very much, I realize that I begin to distance myself from those that do not think the same. For instance, one of my friends never takes any joy from anything that he does. Say; complains about not having a girlfriend, being ugly etc. etc. He’s the most handsome person I’ve ever seen in person. And girls just straight up lust over him. Yet, he insists on focussing on the negative. Which makes zero sense to me. Why is he ruining his own life by refusing to see the good?
Now I do realize that most people are not as lucky as me to be with absolutely no problems in their lives. However, I had the “basic” set of problems that men my age have. Those being:
- Like a girl but she rudely refuses you (or even insults)
- Argue with parents
And my “friends” are always so offended by these problems all they do is complaining about them non-stop. One even tried to kill himself over a girl. I genuinely can’t warp my head around this. Why? When I encountered these things I never cared or at worst deluded my way out.
Why can’t people just sit down and appreciate life? When I’m sitting down waiting for something, the mere ability to move my limbs seems fascinating to me. I get out of so many things.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean any of this as seeing myself above others. (Although I do have a massive ego.)
Meanwhile, I will watch the Moon.
not everyone is privileged, a big chunk of the world is starving and are living in poverty, be glad you are born privileged
From my personal experience, I attempted to end my life twice but couldn’t go through with it. Somehow, I managed to break free from that dark cycle, and now I’m happy and kicking. I believe that if people struggling with similar thoughts can find the strength to wait patiently, they might eventually break out of that loop too.
I’ve also noticed that individuals with goals or ambitions often seem less affected by depression. Some people are naturally more emotional than others, and many of the challenges people face today aren’t as difficult as they might seem at the time.
My advice for you is to humble yourself.
You make some big mistakes that will upset people that you care about.
- Their issue
You are mistaken if you understand symptoms as cause. You see them complain about e.g. women but that doesn’t mean women are actually the problem or the cause. So if you look at them complaining about women, you might think why are they so focused on women and make themselves sad. But reality might be, they are sad and the attention of a woman gives them a lot of e.g. dopamine and makes them happy or proud of themselves. If the woman is now the source of comfort, any rejection or conflict is more than what it is, the women “steal” their comfort from them. That is just an example that I have seen played out around me in my teenager years. I am not saying that it is your friends issue.
- Source of issue
You seem to think the source of the issue can be located in their decision to focus on the issue. That might be an issue at times but not always and if it is not, it is very insulting, rude, and maybe even harmful to assume so. In my example of what a common issue was in my teenage years, they didn’t focus on the issue (self-esteem issue and societal expectations) but on feeling good and those who “played” judge on whether or not they were allowed to feel good. Obviously a very deranged perspective on reality, but an understandable one. When we burn ourselves while cooking, we usually don’t question the decision that we want a warm meal. They feel pushed down a cliff when a girl whose they thought gave them positive attention, rejects them. They might not question if they should be seeking validation from others when they don’t approve themselves. They are the issue and not the woman but they are suffering and not seeing it clearly.
Again I don’t know if that is an issue, I am just giving an example to highlight your flawed thinking.
- Consequences
The consequences of assigning a wrong issue and a wrong cause might not seem as big but you described some already. Alienation, both you from them and them from you. If you have an overly certain and/or overly simplified version of their issue, you will feel annoyed by them because they won’t go for the obvious solution And they will be annoyed by your attitude. Imagine your parents would die and a friend would say “they would have died eventually anyway”, would you take that positively? Because obviously, the issue isn’t that they are dead as much as they are dead now.
But with the alienation comes isolation, for e.g. actually medically diagnosed depressed people, isolation can be deadly. But it can also feed into alienation by reducing opportunities to bond and understand others. But once again, isolation is affecting both, you and your friend. If your friend starts to dislike you, they have one less person that can support them in their struggles. And if you lose enough friends like that, you can talk to yourself or post publicly to people about how you are happy and don’t understand your friends, because you don’t have friends to talk about it. I am not trying to be rude but I hope you see my point, instead of talking to your friends about their unhappiness and trying to get an understanding of them, you talk about your friends with random people online who don’t know you or your friends. That is like asking the random guy on the train if your mom has bday today.
- Solution
Step back, accept that you are not them and that you can’t feel what they feel and that you don’t know them like they know themselves.
Don’t act like you know better, if you obviously don’t know.
Don’t talk about your happiness as if it was relevant. I am happy but I didn’t mention before because no one cares, it isn’t about me. It makes it seem like you are bragging about it, to those who aren’t.
Look into actual depression, just so you can humble yourself a little bit by realizing that they can’t easily control their brains chemicals and judging them for that might be a dick move.
In short, become someone who respects the struggles of others especially if you don’t know the struggle.
Lastly, your ability to do stuff with your body might be peace to you but others are struggling with just that. I know people who are smart and generally able but they just can’t make themselves do stuff. They sit there for hours, trying to focus on a task but their brain drifts away. Their knowledge of their possibilities if it weren’t for their inability to focus, pains them greatly and makes it very difficult to not blame themselves for it, even though they are medically diagnosed that their brain is just not working like a “normal” healthy brain. Your source of peace might be the source of great pain for others.
Imagine your parents would die
At least they won’t have to wage slave (so they can pay rent) anymore.
had depression once but I sent it away shortly.
I don’t think that was depression lol
Username checks out
Maybe they meant ‘was depressed once’ ^^
“I’m done with these sad emotions. NEXT!”
Don’t worry. You’re not seeing yourself above others, you’re just only seeing yourself.
Depression is one answer. Anhedonia is another. Not having agency in ones life. War, starvation, malice, indifference.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you are happy, but you sound like someone who have lived a sheltered, privileged life.
You are the dog surrounded by fire saying “This is fine”.
I’m in too much pain right now to locate the image.
deleted by creator
Although I do have a massive ego.
No shit
It’s great you are so happy in life, and long may it last! My advice to you would be: learn to really listen to others. Find out about them, and how they experience the world.
Because there’s a disease called Depression and it affects your perception of the world.
It’s hard to understand it. When I was a kid, my mom would tell me about some rich/famous people who ended their lives, and asked me what I thought of it. I thought: But they are rich/famous, why would they do something so stupid
Then I got older and am diagnosed with depression. I understand what those people were going through. It can’t really be understood until you’ve gone through it.
Having depression is different from experiencing a depressed mood. Clinical depression is very long term, much more serious.
Its like… you are a computer, and this malware appears out of nowhere starts corrupting your system files, and the beautiful colorful desktop background crashes and its just a blank, black, desktop, the shortcuts wouldn’t open the programs, you try to use the antivirus but the malware just can’t be removed. Its so advanced that many computer experts have no idea how to even remove it…
Sometimes living is not enjoyable for some people.
You want me to explain what that feels like?
I wouldn’t bother, they think depression is something you can just send away.
This is such a toxic take, and it further dissuades people from getting help. Shame and judgement are huge internal barriers for many people that prevent those who need care from asking for it, and hearing ignorant and dismissive assessments about our struggles from healthy people only reinforces this problematic inner monologue.
We don’t think less of diabetics for needing insulin. Mental health care is healthcare. If you are struggling, please know you’re not less than anyone for having mental health conditions. Don’t be ashamed, and please pursue any and all care options available to you. There’s also a wonderful community full of understanding people who want to help support you, too!
While getting aboard the world’s slowest elevator, one that will take you 80+ floors above you, how do you react to smelling the nastiest fart possible as you cross the threshold?
Does it even matter?
No it doesn’t.
You’re on this elevator, and it won’t stop until you’re the reason it stinks so bad.
Rent is due in 31 days
Now playing the album Marquee Moon by Television
I mean I hate living because the world is a shitshow and everything I do is based on the suffering of others. I can’t eat fruit without thinking about how it was probably grown by slaves. On the flip side, other people are prospering because of my (obviously much lesser) suffering. Thanks for hoarding all the meds and houses, asshole.
But also I think formative years play a huge part in things. I don’t want to go into detail, but I was born into an unhappy situation, and I never got to go to school or anything so I was in that situation 24/7. Most of the few people I knew growing up couldn’t stand me, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that now I can’t connect with people. I think some of us, the part of our brain responsible for happiness, or at least responsible for the things that make us happy, never really develops.
Idk. I feel empty inside. I don’t really feel joy. I don’t really feel sadness either. I just kinda persist. There are things I want to do. I don’t have the mental strength to do them regularly. Or like at all. Usually I tell myself that’s because I’m tired after the day/week. But deep down I know that this is not it. Or at least not the main reason. I don’t really do anything even during holidays. Every day feels the same. I know that this isn’t good for me, but I don’t care. I don’t worry about the future. Society is fundamentally broken, and always was/will be. I just go with the flow
…
Great pain, or an inability to find lasting reprieve from pain. The former is obvious, the latter can be something like the following:
Suppose by whatever circumstance you were you, but I fiddled with the way your brain works. Now when something small upsetting happens it lingers for long time, while something good is only experienced in a muted and brief fashion. Over time this twists your expectations, each day is like 90% feeling bad regardless of what happened and no matter what you tell yourself about the smallness of the bad thing the feeling remains.
You can be on holiday in a beautiful place but the thought that keeps coming to mind is that you aren’t as comfortable as in your own bed.
you stop sleeping right, you stop eating right because all food tastes equivalently meh. Your hobbies stop holding interest, successes stop feeling rewarding, but that pain from knowing you’re now boring and your friends pity and resent you? Fresh as ever.