Honestly doing something enjoyable might be better. I just need to make sure I don’t have space to think about my problems because then I end up complaining and I can’t figure out when that’s socially acceptable or not. I ask permission first and try to keep it brief but my friends pretty much always get pissed off with me for being too negative.
So I’ll work a lot of overtime for the next four years.
Ah, personally life has taught me to be kinda weary of spirit shine people that treat any negativity as something to shun and look away from. They can be nasty and selfish in other ways that are worse than someone just saying what they really feel. Not allowing a friend to unload once in a while because you don’t want your personal good vibes to be affected is pretty selfish and a negative act itself.
I’m probably reading into things too much and I don’t want to come across like a Redditor going “lawyer up, hit the gym, delete Facebook” but the fact that you even feel like you need to ask permission to speak about your troubles is kind of a red flag to me. Walking on eggshells and watching your words is what you do with strangers or in the office, friend(s) are supposed to be people who you can let your guard down around. I put the ‘s’ in brackets because really not everyone needs to be a close friend and sometimes one person is all you need.
Sorry for the paragraphs but I feel like I’ve been there before. I know from myself that dealing with people who are in the valley of depression isn’t always easy but maybe that’s how you can tell who your friends really are. Find yourself someone that will let you actually get the bad feelings off your chest so that you can maybe feel a little better and be able to genuinely enjoy lighter moments without feeling like you need to fake it.
I don’t know, it’s a weird situation. In the past I know I’ve been really extreme when talking about stuff, prone to catastrophizing and spiraling, but I’ve been working on it, and they still act like I’m doing it.
Like recently I was complaining (with permission) about someone not listening to me and hurting my feelings. I tried to keep it chill and just describe what happened and how I felt, but my friend started telling me I was blowing it out of proportion and I needed to stop pretending everyone is out to get me. He even insinuated ot wasn’t as bad as I described even though he wasn’t there. I understand them being hesitant to hear me out based on past behavior but I wish they wouldn’t encourage me to vent if they’re going to assume the worst every time.
I’ve tried to figure out what specifically I’m doing wrong and one of them told me that if it’s because I complain about the same thing after they’ve given their two cents, and at that point I’m just throwing a pity party. And it shows I think they’re stupid if they already gave me reassurance and I’m still upset later.
But that same friend tells me about his ableist coworker every day and still needs reassurance that he’s not the problem. So either he thinks I’m stupid, or I’m missing some nuance.
Even when I don’t talk to them about stuff that upsets me, it’s constantly in my head how annoyed they’d be if they knew I was depressed, and how stupid they’d think I’m being. And feeling that way makes me a downer to hang out with. So it’s really best to just keep my mind occupied by work.
it’s because I complain about the same thing after they’ve given their two cents
Think about it this way. They encourage you to vent but then turn around and make the pity party about themselves, after their two cents didn’t magically cure you in 5 seconds. Sounds like their problem really is that you didn’t grovel over how awesome and wise they are.
prone to catastrophizing and spiraling
From my side where I don’t actually know anyone, I can think of two scenarios here. One is that maybe they need a break from you and you need a break from them. To reset things. Maybe you need to make a couple of new friends that only know the current you. And the real friends that know the older you too will show themselves after time.
Just by the way I’m no psychologist, so take it or leave it lol. And I am in no way judging you, I don’t know you. I’m just some asshole on the internet relating about a shitty time in my own life where I lost (or drifted apart from) friends and more for being too emo.
prone to catastrophizing and spiraling
I’m quoting this again because there’s still the second scenario to get to. The second scenario is that they’ve been kinda shitty friends that shut you down every time you need to vent. So you’ve been led to believe that you are or were a bad person even though you never were in the first place. Based on what I’ve read, both are likely and both are possibly true at the same time.
But don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re definitely not alone as far as depression goes and I think most will agree that there’s usually bigger causes for it than just a chemical imbalance. Like the environment that you’re in or the company that you keep, which can go a long way in making life easier to deal with.
Honestly doing something enjoyable might be better. I just need to make sure I don’t have space to think about my problems because then I end up complaining and I can’t figure out when that’s socially acceptable or not. I ask permission first and try to keep it brief but my friends pretty much always get pissed off with me for being too negative.
So I’ll work a lot of overtime for the next four years.
Ah, personally life has taught me to be kinda weary of spirit shine people that treat any negativity as something to shun and look away from. They can be nasty and selfish in other ways that are worse than someone just saying what they really feel. Not allowing a friend to unload once in a while because you don’t want your personal good vibes to be affected is pretty selfish and a negative act itself.
I’m probably reading into things too much and I don’t want to come across like a Redditor going “lawyer up, hit the gym, delete Facebook” but the fact that you even feel like you need to ask permission to speak about your troubles is kind of a red flag to me. Walking on eggshells and watching your words is what you do with strangers or in the office, friend(s) are supposed to be people who you can let your guard down around. I put the ‘s’ in brackets because really not everyone needs to be a close friend and sometimes one person is all you need.
Sorry for the paragraphs but I feel like I’ve been there before. I know from myself that dealing with people who are in the valley of depression isn’t always easy but maybe that’s how you can tell who your friends really are. Find yourself someone that will let you actually get the bad feelings off your chest so that you can maybe feel a little better and be able to genuinely enjoy lighter moments without feeling like you need to fake it.
I don’t know, it’s a weird situation. In the past I know I’ve been really extreme when talking about stuff, prone to catastrophizing and spiraling, but I’ve been working on it, and they still act like I’m doing it.
Like recently I was complaining (with permission) about someone not listening to me and hurting my feelings. I tried to keep it chill and just describe what happened and how I felt, but my friend started telling me I was blowing it out of proportion and I needed to stop pretending everyone is out to get me. He even insinuated ot wasn’t as bad as I described even though he wasn’t there. I understand them being hesitant to hear me out based on past behavior but I wish they wouldn’t encourage me to vent if they’re going to assume the worst every time.
I’ve tried to figure out what specifically I’m doing wrong and one of them told me that if it’s because I complain about the same thing after they’ve given their two cents, and at that point I’m just throwing a pity party. And it shows I think they’re stupid if they already gave me reassurance and I’m still upset later.
But that same friend tells me about his ableist coworker every day and still needs reassurance that he’s not the problem. So either he thinks I’m stupid, or I’m missing some nuance.
Even when I don’t talk to them about stuff that upsets me, it’s constantly in my head how annoyed they’d be if they knew I was depressed, and how stupid they’d think I’m being. And feeling that way makes me a downer to hang out with. So it’s really best to just keep my mind occupied by work.
Think about it this way. They encourage you to vent but then turn around and make the pity party about themselves, after their two cents didn’t magically cure you in 5 seconds. Sounds like their problem really is that you didn’t grovel over how awesome and wise they are.
From my side where I don’t actually know anyone, I can think of two scenarios here. One is that maybe they need a break from you and you need a break from them. To reset things. Maybe you need to make a couple of new friends that only know the current you. And the real friends that know the older you too will show themselves after time.
Just by the way I’m no psychologist, so take it or leave it lol. And I am in no way judging you, I don’t know you. I’m just some asshole on the internet relating about a shitty time in my own life where I lost (or drifted apart from) friends and more for being too emo.
I’m quoting this again because there’s still the second scenario to get to. The second scenario is that they’ve been kinda shitty friends that shut you down every time you need to vent. So you’ve been led to believe that you are or were a bad person even though you never were in the first place. Based on what I’ve read, both are likely and both are possibly true at the same time.
But don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re definitely not alone as far as depression goes and I think most will agree that there’s usually bigger causes for it than just a chemical imbalance. Like the environment that you’re in or the company that you keep, which can go a long way in making life easier to deal with.