I want to be respectful but if they say they don’t care what pronouns I use for them, that feels like it puts the decision on me to choose what to call them and I guess I would probably default to “they” because choosing a gender for them feels weird… am I wrong?
As an enby myself, I’d probably default to they/them but try to sprinkle in gendered pronouns when I saw them presenting more one way or another.
Depending on how close your relationship is, you can ask them if they have certain times that they prefer particular pronouns or not.
If someone tells you they don’t care about pronoun usage, believe them. I’m nonbinary and don’t care what pronoun people use for me, because I identify as both male and female. Most people default to “he” for me because of my beard, but others use “they” because of my proclivity for wearing skirts, nail polish, and lipstick. Rarely I’ll have someone use “she” (or I’ll use it myself), but ultimately, I’m just a person who exists outside of the gender spectrum (or right in the middle), and pronouns are just a grammatical tool to save time, so I prefer that people use whatever comes most naturally to them.
As a nonbinary someone who accepts any/all I would say whatever comes naturally or is your preference. I’ve identified as agender since I was young and so personally I don’t really like defining myself to other people in terms of gendered language. I would say if someone tells you their pronouns are any/all to trust them that they are actually fine with that.
Thanks, I do believe that they’re fine with whatever pronouns I call them by, this was more of a me problem about not knowing what to actually call them in that case lol. Like paradox of choice kind of, except I also wonder about what my choice might indicate to them and whether I should randomise it or base it on something.
they them is basically always safe! If someone specifically requests against it then don’t but they/them is what I always use if I don’t know or have multiple options. All I might add is that a lot of queer people get tired of being only called their AGAB’s pronouns, so maybe don’t exclusively use those.
