Honestly I feel this way about a lot of the look at the hot chick subs.

Eh, truth be told I just walked out. But once in awhile in the shower I look back and think “damn, that’s what I should have said.”

I trolled the Church of Scientology once. I went in pretending I was curious about this free personality test, to which I gave the most disparate answers I could think of. While taking the test they had this obvious plant walk out praising how helpful and great Scientology was for them. They had me sit down and watch this weird ass alternative psychology video while waiting for the results. The Scientologist came out looking visibly terrified but whatever, he took me into his office to give me his pitch. I feigned ignorance for a while and went to leave. He started getting desperate trying to get me to join until finally I said “Bro. I know about Xenu.”

It is important to keep stressing the “weirdo” line. It’s super effective.

Ugh, yeah. Monster Truck (my cat) is all white and I typically wear all black, and he is a cuddly motherfucker.

Lanky Kong listens to DK rap for the first time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PugcxQYJGjs&t=145s

Hold on now. Cat’s playing 4D chesssssss.

Cat was also a snake in a past life.

Old lady comes up and says “Hero, can you help rescue my cat from that tree?”

I’ll do it, and I’ll do it for free!

I’ll do it, but you better pay me.

If you don’t get out of my way right now I’m going to shotgun you in the face.

Welcome to Heaven! Here’s your harp!

Welcome to Hell. Here’s your accordion.