afox

You dawg; you’re perfect!

I was in a punk band when I was younger. We were mid set in a shitty bar. My amp started to spaz out. Like cutting in and out every few min. This old dude jumped on stage and kicked it really hard. Patted me on the back, handed me a shot, and jumped down (all mid song). Never had a problem with that amp again. Used it for years after. Old punk rocker magic. Nothing to laugh at.r

I was visiting Ukraine for work for about a month. Me and my coworker found ourselves at a country bar… Bit weird. We were wasted. Dudes have ar 15s out front as bouncers. Too many drinks led to a five alarm fire in my bowels. The weird fish early on didn’t help I’m sure. Found a stall just in time. Unload. No toilet paper. I wiped with the local currency. I’m so ashamed to this day. This was around 2019. I’m a shit american.

I’m puting a hot poker in each of my eyes. Jesus.

Shit. That’s a big oops. Been a very long day.

Holding out for the Anne Frank Trapper Keeper phone.

Unholy Confessions In My Ass

Monday morning at a software company dude walks into the bathroom smelling like stale tequila. Sits on the toilet next to my stall. Grunts, moans, says exactly this. Proceeds to have explosive diarrhea and pukes on his shoes. It was 7am. What a start to the week. He just powered through. Ran his shoes under the sink and simply went to work. Something tells me this wasn’t his first rodeo.

Wonder if it’s a hunter gatherer type thing. Like F yeah get out there vs I just want to pick berries.

Saddest day of my life not being able to get a hotdog without a card. Woman literally laughed in my face and said well if you’re too cheap… I wanted to go home and sic my wife on her. But I’m petty like that. A month a ago and I’m still so but hurt. Like why insult me and my finances?

https://images.app.goo.gl/abV6eShqNFoa7D727

I love you already. Favorite authors? Ray Bradbury and Arthur C Clark.

Old ass musty smelling paperback. 50’s and old racist 60’s sci-fi books smell best. I have a problem.

I was a manager. It made me a bastard. I went back to coding.

How much are the tickets to your show?

Hate the player not the game.

• super mega death pownce, “Look John. We need to talk.”

Life. Don’t talk to me about life.

You better hope your sweet candy ass you have lasagna reserves on hand.