Guy looks completely normal.
Honestly, most “ugly” people can be reasonably attractive if they get in shape, eat healthily (especially in a way that clears up their skin) and style themselves (clothes, hair, etc) in a way that suits them. Plus finding good angles and lighting for photos/videos, and building up some confidence and charisma for in-person interactions. Those things aren’t necessarily easy and they take patience and commitment, but most people can easily go up a few points on an attractiveness/10 scale if they manage them.
That sounds like a lot of work. I’m tryna win the Powerball instead…
healthily
Thank you for using this word. Many seem to have forgotten its existence, in more ways than one.
Doesn’t always work. Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
Doesn’t always work.
It doesn’t guarantee people are going to look at you and think you’re a 10/10 because some features are out your control, but the difference between being overweight, poorly-dressed with bad skin, bad hair, etc, and being athletic/toned and well-groomed is huge. And while they might seem like superficial things that you feel you shouldn’t have to do for someone to like you, they also boost your confidence which tends to make you more attractive as a personality, too.
Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
This can definitely take a little while to change your mindset on, but the big thing is just realising that no-one actually cares.
- people are there to work out, not to judge others;
- how much do you judge other people in the gym? Very little, I’d assume;
- even if someone is judging you: so what? Does it actually matter what a stranger who you’ll likely never even see again thinks? You’re there to improve yourself, not to worry about their thoughts;
- if someone actually comments to you, you can turn it into a positive thing. Tall them you’re new to the gym and would welcome pointers. Most people who’ll talk to you in the gym are just going to be asking “how long are you going to be using that?” or something similar, though;
- there’s a pretty low chance someone will actually be rude to you, because most people are well aware that everyone starts somewhere, and that if you’re overweight/unfit then being in the gym is you already taking steps to fix that.
And most of those points apply to a lot of things in life - it’s very liberating when you realise that most people don’t really care about what you’re doing and that you should just do what makes you happy.
If it helps, you can also do some research before using the gym so you’re confident about how to use the machines and equipment. It removes that “what if I’m using it wrong and everything thinks I look like an idiot?” aspect for you to worry about.
And if you’re just worried about people judging your weight/fitness, you can exercise outside of the gym. Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, step-ups, etc, are all free and things you can do at home. You can probably find somewhere quiet to go for a run - especially early morning or late evening. Dumbbells are fairly cheap (relative to a gym membership for any extended period of time) and don’t take up much storage space at home; they be used for their own exercises and to enhance other exercises (just adding more weight to your squats, for instance). Resistance bands are another low-cost, low-space option.
So you can either start off exercising at home until you’re comfortable enough to step into a gym, or just keep working out at home and gradually expand your equipment as you see fit. Obviously some of the larger, more expensive machines you find in gyms have their uses - some of them ensure you’re doing the exercise in a healthy way, some of them allow you to work out multiple muscle groups at once that would otherwise be difficult (like the rowing machine), and some of them let you target specific muscles in specific ways - but the things I mentioned above can take you a long way.
The two most important things are just being consistent (so try to get into a routine) and making sure you’re doing it for yourself. Obviously we’re talking about it from a perspective of people finding you more attractive if you’re in good shape, but more important than that is doing it because you want to be happy and healthy - if you can become happy and healthy in yourself then other people finding you attractive will follow eventually.
Anyway, this turned into a bit of an essay but hopefully something I’ve said here has been helpful for you!
Thanks for long and helpful comment! However, I want to point out some things.
- I am not overweight, and I care a lot about my hair and skin - I just lack muscles. I bet I am caring enough about my appearance in this sense. I guess my fashion sense might be off, though I try a lot.
That said, I do seem to lack self-confidence.
- Theoretically (I guess in normal society), people do not judge others in gym. Yeah, there will be no reason to care whatsoever abt others, right? Really.
…except that this is not what happens in my country. People are constantly looking at each other, even strangers, and care and judge about how one appears. This kind of “affection” (apparently) is ingrained in our culture.
Also, the general line of thought goes: “Oh, overweight person. They are unfit for exercise, why are they here? Sharing the space with them makes me uncomfortable, this is our place!” Imo kind of disgusting, but what can I do?
That said, it is mostly just (loud) murmuring or talking to each other about the judgement, so I might be able to ignore that. It’s just difficult for me.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. I will try to do exercise at home and jog a bit!
If you are thin, but out of shape, lifting will give you very fast results, in terms of shape (looks not fitness though of course it will help with fitness). Because when it’s not obscured by fat, the muscle shows very quickly. But also you are probably judging yourself more harshly than others are.
And really - if you are thin, lift weights. I am kinda slender middle aged lady and even without the benefit of testosterone guys have, lifting weights quickly gives me shape through the arms and shoulders that really improves my look. I do it now more to keep my bone mass but it’s certainly the quickest path to looking shapely.
For sure don’t bring it into the gym, but try getting a gun.
Huh, why?
SHOOT YOUR INNER DEMONS THAT HINDER YOUR CONFIDENCE.
Yeah, he looks like an average nerdy type guy. Not the best but also not the worst thing in the world. There’s plenty of people who are into that type.
For some reason I read that as woman who talked about being ugly? And then I looked and I was like… Yeah I get it that looks like a dude.
He is extremely normal and average looking.
This. Hes not fucking ugly, thats the takeaway here lol
I think if he had gotten braces for his overbite and a nicer pair of glasses before that pic on the left, there wouldnt be anything to really point out at all yeah.
If I were him I would want to lose the mullet too, but he still looks better with it than I do with my bald spot.
Most people do, they are just comparing themselves with models, celebs or influencers, people that earn a living out of being pretty.
Now try being an ugly woman
Have you tried dating sites? I can’t even get “ugly” women to respond to me so they must have “better options” reaching out to them or I really am just that undesirable lol
You just wanna do it on easy mode or what?
As long you are only ugly on the outside, it’s just a matter of getting used to it.
At least they get makeup.
Oh, shit, that’s right, make up is chemically corrosive to men’s skin, we can’t use it.
Being an ugly woman is not nearly the struggle that being an ugly man is. Women who aren’t attractive need to approach at all and they’ll have more success than ugly men who approach twice as often.
There’s a Reddit community I used to visit now and then that was for ugly people. It was so toxic and hateful. These people literally believe that they can never be happy or have a relationship because they think they’re ugly - it’s their entire identity. I worry that many outcasts fall into this trap during their formative years and it warps their view of the world like the gentleman in the video.
I think that once they get out into the real world, most folks find that looks don’t matter as much as lifestyle, personality, and compatible morals.
I didn’t think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
I also noticed how “pretty” people didn’t have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I’d never be treated the same way as a “pretty” person would.
It’s one of the ugly truths of human existence, that most people won’t admit.
“Looks” absolutely play a large role in inter-human relationships. But since it carries a lot of unpleasant things most people don’t want to admit, they either ignore it, or outright lie about it to make themselves feel better.
The research has been done “pretty” people earn more, get more promotions, and are generally more successful at life.
Not to say your life is over if you’re not pretty. But there is a clear advantage.
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I think it’s more that western societies like to try to act like their instincts aren’t real. They’ll look you dead in the face and say “beauty means nothing to me!” Meanwhile their secretary is massively under qualified for the job but she got big tiddies.
Or when a super hot woman is a total cunt but everyone let’s her get away with it because “ooh hot girl”
It’s the same way with men I just used women as an example because I’m a dude who’s seen a lot of girls with shit personalities get treated like they can do no wrong.
Women out there are still complaining they can find a bf when all they have to do is say something vaguely nice to a guy and he’ll marry you.
eh… women are mostly complaining because they struggle to find men they’d want to date, not because they think men won’t date them.
Well, I hate to break it to ya, but not every woman is going to get to marry a 6-6-6 just like not every man is going to marry a 10.
Additionally, most women would probably be better off marrying a man who WANTS to date them rather than trying to get one who doesn’t.
Maybe the kind of man they want to date is a man that isn’t an asshole. Especially not one who sees a woman who is not conventionally attractive and thinks, “yeah, I could fuck that.”
You know, there’s a simple solution to that, which women in the past had no trouble understanding: just put sex off the table until there’s a ring on your finger. That’s it. That’ll immediately eliminate any guy who’s only looking to up his notch count, as long as you actually stick to it and don’t just use it as a fake excuse to eliminate the weaklings.
Just thinking out loud, of course. I would not dream of telling what to do with their bodies.
Men don’t go for that because she didn’t make previous guys wait until marriage.
Making rules for those you “settle” for that did not previously apply is egregious hypocrisy.
I’m not sure whom that second sentence is directed at, because it could equally apply to men AND women, but it really kinda illustrates the problem with sleeping around before marriage, doesn’t it.
It’s obviously far easier for the average woman to get laid than it is for the average man, and any average man who’s tried his luck with casual flings and/or dating apps will know that by the time a woman as average as him proposes making him wait for sex. So it’s only natural that he’ll be skeptical and perhaps even upset, because there’s going to be a certain amount of rage and a desire to get even, hence they’ll be pressing for sex even harder.
So as the number of previous sexual partners increases, women tend to favor monogamy, because they’re tired of being pumped and dumped, whereas men tend to favor wanting to do more pumping and dumping because they’re tired of being passed over in her “fun phase” and only be considered “good enough” when it comes to wanting a relationship.
A strange game, isn’t it. The only winning move is not to play…
You’re missing the point by a mile. It’s not about physical attraction, finances, or even the types of men just looking for a one-night stand. There are many men who want to be in long-term relationships, but don’t put in the effort necessary to keep that relationship alive and healthy.
Men benefit from long-term relationshipsbmore than women; a woman’s workload actually increases because she’s usually the one tasked with managing the home and all of the emotional and physical labor that comes with that… even when she already has a full-time job.
In order for a woman to want to be with a man, he needs to positively affect her life overall. So many men simply do not do that. That is the barrier to entry, and it is far from an unreasonable one. It’s generally easier and more desirable to be single than it is to be in a relationship with a man.
Whoa, whoa, slow down there… you’re saying men should be in charge of something? But that’s patriarchy!
Unless you only want to blame them for things not working out of course, because that’s what you’re doing if you give someone responsibility without giving them some sort of authority as well.
But let’s face it, in a relationship there is never, EVER such a thing as “it’s HIS fault” or “it’s HER fault”. The onus is always on both people — because unless you were forcefully married by your parents, both people chose each other out of their own volition.
So if you choose someone who keeps fucking up, guess what, that’s on you. And you can either put in the effort to try and figure out how to invoke a desire to change in them or chose someone better next time, but it’s gonna end up being work either way, because you won’t find a better partner unless you figure out why you chose the wrong one to begin with, you’ll just find more of the same.
Nice guy comment
Yes, how dare I suggest women date someone who will appreciate them instead of someone who won’t.
Patriarchy! Toxic masculinity! Guilty as charged, Mr. Officer, off to feminist jail I go.
dont get your fedora in a twist dude.
Not every dude has this luck
One posts about experience of being ugly
Look into it
Freaking average
Lmao, ffs. Are people teasing us who really struggle in day-to-day life?
I mean the guy isn’t ugly, he just has the dumbest haircut I’ve ever seen
Damn bro even the “ugly” guys have more luck than me :(
He’s not even ugly, he just needs a better haircut and a tan lol
Haircut sure, tan tho?? What are you 45? He also needed some different glasses and maybe hit the gym more. I hate how that makes me sound haha
A tan would make him look less like a corpse
Hey I think corpses are sexy
Yeah, some women dig the marilyn manson look lol
Hitting the gym and a little more thought into his dressing?
What are you a womanizer red pill guru?! Next thing you know this guy is spinning 5 plates of spaghetti.
Moral of the story: If you are ugly and there’s a youtube comments chance to get laid, you take it(even if they have a furry profile photo.)
Especially if they have a furry profile picture.
There are 2 types of people…
even if they have a furry profile photo
I rather stay single.
I used to work with two guys I called “Tall Todd” and “Tall Paul”. Both were really smart and part of our IT department. Both in shape-ish, skinny, very tall.
Paul was conventionally hot - his side job was modeling, he made money at it and I did once unexpectedly see him on a national advertisement. Hot, you understand? He was nice, friendly, I wasn’t attracted to him but could see he was physically really good looking, and was outgoing and pleasant, creative guy, good Halloween costumes.
Tall Todd wasn’t good looking like that, and had the additional baggage of being named Todd, but had this way of existing in the world that was just so comfortable and made you feel comfortable. I think when people say confidence this is what they mean - not cockiness but this self acceptance. He was just so attractive without being physically attractive - he wasn’t ugly exactly but unremarkable in looks. But goodness he was attractive in real life. Magnetic.
I do not know how people get that sort of confidence but it’s not by being really good looking.
Being tall is like 75% of being physically attractive according to most surveys.
If you’re over 6’ the “how tall are you” is either the first or second question on every date along with “what do you do for work”
It’s kinda sad how predictable we can be as animals
It’s interesting how bad I’m getting downvoted…
It is acceptable to say rich people, white people, men have a natural advantage.
But saying pretty people also have an advantage is horrible…
Lol
Being rich is not natural. And it’s a red flag because you don’t get rich without being an asshole.
People absolutely get that kind of confidence by being really good looking…
What you found was an outlier, a unicorn. It happens but that in no way changes reality.
You get that kind of confidence by not giving a shit about what other people think in terms of your physical attractiveness. I don’t think I’m especially good looking. I also couldn’t give less of a shit. Which is why I have the confidence to have the facial hair of a 19th century president. Because a mutton chops beard is fucking awesome. I’m married, but I wouldn’t even care if I was single. I’m keeping my mutton chops.
I wish this kind of attitude is acceptable in my country. Over here, even something like this is enough to make you weirdo and quickly alienate you.
I am a weirdo and maybe it does make people stay away from me. I just don’t care.
- Finds unicorn in reality.
- “No, no—but this doesn’t change reality.”
You do understand what an outlier is? Did you not take basic math in high school?
I mean damn, I know this is the Internet, but I thought Lemmy users could understand basic statistics…
You also feel that because one person won the lottery every can/should?
Being ugly is a disadvantage, like other disadvantages (poor, stupid,etc) it can be overcome. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is one.
Did you not take basic math in high school?
Have you? Where is your data that indicates this is an outlier?
lemme google that (or duck duck go) for you…
https://www.vice.com/en/article/epz8pk/psychology-pretty-privilege-attractive-people
https://www.science.org/content/article/scienceshot-brain-rewards-us-looking-pretty-faces
I mean common sense would help you with your denial. But there are dozens of other links if you go look.
Let’s see.
Article 1: “pretty privilege exists.”
Article 2: “pretty privilege exists.”
Article 3: “pretty face privilege exists.”
None of these indicate that being seen and rewarded for being a relaxed, confident, comfortable guy is an outlier thing that rarely happens.
Also, I asked for data, not articles.
That website has some wild articles. I read through the train of like 4 articles below this one.
Right? I read your comment and was like…psh can’t be that strange, so I went into this prepared to read a few articles.
Read about a dude who lived his whole life and died without ever seeing a woman. He was in his 80’s! That’s wild.
Was he a monk? Because that sounds familiar.
Yeah I think he was a monk.
most “ugly” people put themselves into a box. take care of yourself, wash your face, brush your teeth, eat somewhat decently, put minimal effort into your appearance, and have a speck of self confidence and you can change your world.
I know it can be daunting especially if you have legitimate mental health issues that affect how you view yourself but trust me theres very few “ugly” looking people in this world and most of them still make it work by having a good decent personality.
Most people are ugly because they have a ugly personality.
Most people are ugly because they have a ugly personality.
Are you japanese or something? I swear I heard this from an entertainer from there when she asked her boss why was everyone so pretty at the company.
Ah blame the ugly people! That’ll show em!
thanks for proving my point champ
“Ugly people have ugly personalities, if you disagree with me I’ll count that as an ugly personality”
What a ridiculous self-fulfilling prophecy. If someone disagreeing with you is enough for you to dislike them, I very much prefer to be “ugly” to you and for you to remain the fuck away.
I kind of mesh with this thought.
I make a solid effort to take care of myself, present myself as best I can, and find joy in the things that I do. I’ve also been mostly alone for a long time, not by choice, and I feel it’s likely that has to do with my appearance. I’m okay with that. I still view my own image positively, though I don’t think others do. I accept that’s not due to anyone’s malice - since when I look at others, I’m susceptible to standards of beauty as well.
Still, whenever that comes up in online discussions like this one, people seem magnetized to the belief I have this “ugly personality” to be alone. Some people do - that much is true. But it’s also long been the case that not everyone has an equal and fair shot in life. I’m also glad I wasn’t born to an impoverished African country with no running water.
Humans are, sadly, wired to associate beauty with morality and talent, and reversely, to associate ugliness with immorality, and even though we have increasing proof of this bias, plenty of people would sooner judge complete strangers from the comfort of their PC chairs than engage in a little self-reflection. I consider myself slightly handsome, but I’ll still get shit until the end of my days because my mannerisms as an autistic person are considered alien. If it’s any consolation, finding friendship and love with these handicaps is not impossible, just harder.
That you’re lying to make yourself feel better? Umm ok
I must be uglier than that guy because no one has ever said anything nice about me when I share pics. :(
Have you tried making a video reaching 20m views?
Self Confidence.
You can be or feel ugly, skinny, fat, short, tall, average, and even stupid, but if you have self confidence, you will overcome and adapt whether shortcomings are self perceptions or others’ initial perceptions of you.
That said, don’t abuse this superpower, because being an asshole is the real ugly.
